I don't know how to write this post.
Last Friday, the Sweet Dog got sick. My dad took him to the vet. Saturday morning, the vet called. Mo was poisoned. He didn't make it.
A dog's death is a strange grief. Internally, it hurts like hell. But I feel sort of ashamed of the tears, too. I mean, what about orphans, and babies with cancer, or a raw and ugly divorce, or the multitudinous sea of human pain? How can the loss of a sweet stupid dog even register on the grief scale? And I wonder if I even have a right to weep.
One day back in October or so, I was driving and talking to God. I was telling Him my frustrations and fears and questions. At one point, I passed a dog's dead body lying on the side of the highway. I got mad. You see that puppy, God? I said. That's wrong. That's so wrong. How can I trust you when there's so much wrong in the world and it hurts me so much?
I won't say I heard God speak, because that kind of language always irritates me some (note: if God speaks to you, that's fine, as long as you don't think you're supposed to kill people or stop washing your hair). But I did realize something in a way that seemed to come from outside. Oh, I said. This is all yours . . . how must more it must hurt you.
Nature's groaning, right? And even broken, the world is beautiful. I want the wonder and joy that Mo brought to my life to lead me to a deeper delight in life - animals, trees, rivers, the way the winter sky turns deep burning red at sundown. Because life is everywhere, and thank God for Mo who opened my eyes to that.
3 comments:
Oh, no! Not sweet Mo!
Oddly enough, we got an email the other day that Evan's cat died in the night. It can seem kind of silly to cry over a lost pet, but you can't deny the delight it brought you to have it around.
I think it is appropriate to be saddened by the state of things, knowing that this is never how God intended life to be. He knew we would screw things up before He even put man in Eden, yet He went ahead and created, and screw up we did. But thank God for His indescribable gift of life eternal, of a way out of all this brokenness into His perfect will!
Love you, Right Brain.
hey, just came across this blog by chance (was looking for camping stuff..) and had to write you -so sorry to hear about your dog, my dogs are a part of my family. I wish you all the best and that when you will feel capable again you will go to a shelter and give a wonderful home to dog.
"To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
It is right, and more than right, to weep.
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