Friday, January 27, 2012

Reasons Why I Might Start Shaking With Pure Stress if You Ask Me "How Are You?"

1.  M.A. exam. THE exam. The four hour exam tomorrow. The one that decides if I actually get my Masters degree. The one for which I have prepared, but not enough, and right now I feel like I'm a total fraud and I'll get in there and everyone will know it. Will I put in enough details? Will I have some sort of orderly thought pattern? Will I think of anything to say about Milton besides "hierarchy'? And they'll read my essays and laugh ominously and I don't find out for 3 weeks if I pass or not.

2. Finishing Thesis. Oh yeah, that thing that I was going to do such a good job on, so maybe I could get some stuff published, and I should have finished it all up over Christmas break, but I didn't. And it's not good. It's not bad. It's mediocre and right now I just want it finished.

3. Thesis Defense. This is in a month, when they will all see how mediocre I am. My stomach lurches thinking of this.

4. Planning a wedding. Oh yeah, it's all fun and games on Pinterest, but how about when you end up with a guest list that's 344 people long and your venue holds only 250 and your mother knows half the people in the Southeast?

5. Keeping up with a new job. Hey guess what - it's difficult to study for a ridiculous exam when I work 9 hours a day, and not only that but I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do and get it done, because I should be able to step into a new position and do it perfectly, right? RIGHT. Lack of perfect performance = I AM A WORTHLESS PERSON.

Things That Are Keeping Me From Spontaneous Combustion

1. The wedding. Because I get to marry the man who is my best friend and kindred spirit. The one who sees my flaws and loves me in them. The one who keeps me sane and lets me cry and makes me laugh. Oh, and he's really hot.

2. The new job. Because everyone has been overwhelmingly kind and helpful. Because I have a job, and it combines my interests (children, education and writing). Because I have a job, period. It's excellent experience, good pay, and I'm learning a lot. I also learned how health insurance works, WHAT?

3. Distance-no-more. Because the previously mentioned amazing man now lives only 7 minutes away, instead of 7 hours.

4. In 5.5 weeks, two of the stressors will be done and the other will have diminished. I'll be 2 months into this job, instead of 3 weeks, the thesis will be finished, and the exam and defense will be over.
Heck, just tomorrow at 2:30 will take off a lot of the stress. Keep chanting it. Tomorrow at 2:30. Five and half weeks til freedom. Take heart.


Bekah Boo said...

I've missed the wedding news! Congratulations!!! So exciting!!
and to finish the Thesis! YEAH! You. Can. Do. It!!!

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