Warning to male readers: While nothing very graphic is contained below, if the word "ovary" has the same effect on you that "kidneys" has on me - well, I would stop now if I were you. [Note: "kidneys" makes the hair stand up on the back of neck and makes my knees feel weak and shaky. In case you wanted to know. And if you want to make me flop over in a comatose state for the next two weeks, just mention something about getting "punched in the kidneys." Even typing it makes me break out in cold sweats.]
I've got this cyst on my left -um, you know, the 0-word. And it won't go away and has pretty much taken over the whole darn thing, so the doctor says it needs to come out. And of course, me being me, I am sort of freaked out. About the anesthesia. About the very slight possibility of cancer. About the thought of even a minimally invasive TUBE poking around in my insides.
And I know, I know, I know that this is not a huge deal, comparatively. I mean, people have major surgery all the time and get on with their lives, and this is outpatient stuff for gosh sake. And still I imagine the worst, and ask questions like: How will I have enough faith to trust God if it is something serious? What about being ready to die, heaven forbid?
I feel like Dr. Wallace's kid at the doctor's office. "I'm not brave, Daddy! I'm so scared!"
And of course there is the probability that it is a dermoid growth (say dermoid, boys and girls), which means there might just be a tooth or something in there, and which I am really hoping for because that would make me just like Aunt Voula, my favorite character in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." And I want to read Madeline again, because I loved it when she went to the hospital to get her appendix out and was always a little bit jealous. She got a dollhouse.
***
I saw Stephen Gordon tonight (!) and he was amazing and I bought his new CD. Thank you so much to Anna for introducing me to his music and alerting me to the concert tonight. It was lovely.
Go read something by Kathleen Norris right now. Dakota is one of her beautiful book, a "spiritual geography," as she puts it, and I love it.
And I found this quote by Philip Yancey that's pretty much helped me balance life this week:
"Life is not a problem to be solved but a work to be made."
1 comment:
Oh, wow, I didn't realize you were going to have surgery! Goodness! I know what you mean about being nervous; I don't like the idea of it, either. I'll keep you in my prayers, dear! Hopefully it's just something you can shake a river cane split at and move on!
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